Introverted

     I am an introvert, always have been. I like being alone, but that does not mean that I like complete silence. I prefer life when it is quiet, but I know that being around people is important too. To me, being around people can be exhausting and some days I can hardly stand twenty minutes in public. Of course this also goes with the fact that I’m a homebody and feel the most comfortable when at home instead of outside. Along side of that I also have a small sense of anxiety. It isn't enough for panic attacks or anything of that sort, but it is harder to try something new every so often. Luckily, I have friends that have taught me that being around people is just as important as having personal time. I've learned how to have and keep friends as well as keep my nerves under control. I have come to know, through my experience, that interaction with people is just as important as having time by myself.
  Despite my general silence, I seem to attract the loud or wild friends that I have to hold on a leash or the friends where I’m the wild one that they attempt to put on a leash. I've moved a lot so I have had an array of friends throughout my whole life. The one thing in common that most of my friends have is that they went up to me and became friends with me instead of the other way around. In Duluth I was almost hit by an opening door and the girl, Spencer, made it up by putting me into her circle of friends. In Oregon, Wisconsin a girl named Hailee just came up and shooed me into her group of friends. Not often do I talk to people in an attempt to become friends, but it works that way because the wild friends are the best of friends because I can be as strange as I want and they don’t care. They share a part of me that most people don’t get to see and they make me know that having time around other people is important.
     My friends are wonderful, but I had problems in my life that have changed me as a person and have shaped me into who I am now. I tend to get nervous a lot, it’s like a low-key anxiety that lingers in my stomach. Compared to some people it isn't anything too bad, but it’s enough to feel like a ball in my stomach that I can’t get rid. My nerves is kind of the reason why I like being alone, or being with my mom only because I can breath without the small pit in my stomach being there. As important as talking to people really is, I know I need time for myself.
     I haven’t found a way to really fix the nerves nor the pit in my stomach, but I tend to ‘attach’ to people. Not to them as a person or their names, but their face, their hair, their voice. I like to call those people I remember as my ‘rocks’. I purposely remember people to act as my ‘rock’ to know that I’m doing simple things right for example walking into the right class. I make sure I memorize at least one person just so I know that I’m not wrong. I don’t try to talk with my ‘rocks’ not because I’m shy. My nerves don’t typically affect me when I’m talking to someone. I like staying quiet because I have a hard time with knowing what to talk about with someone new. Due to my quietness, I tend to be forgotten sometimes, it doesn't bother me though. I know that despite my silence it is important to take time to be around people. Being alone is my crutch, but I don’t need to
lean on it all the time.
     In my life experiences I have really found that being asocial or an introvert isn't so much of a bad thing as it is just a thing. Interaction between others and myself is important, but I know that being alone is where I can be free. I've learned that taking time for myself is important, when the small sinking feeling is in my gut, but I know that sometimes the best defense against nerves is to be around people. My friends and my ‘rocks’ help me in some way and I like my little system that I have going and I want to keep it going.